Relearning normal. 

Lyme is a terrible disease. It steals energy, health, mental clarity and when those go, so does happiness. It doesn’t just affect those that actually have the disease either. Oh no, lyme infiltrates marriages, friendships and every other relationship you could possibly have. It sucks. 

I didn’t realize the extent me having lyme had on my husband and children until I started feeling better. It sounds weird, but in some ways I think lyme also makes you selfish. I was too busy concentrating on functioning on a very basic level to notice all of the slack my husband picked up for me, or what my kids were learning was “normal”. I had guilt, don’t get me wrong. I knew I wasn’t the mom or wife I wanted to be, but for some reason I never thought about them knowing it. 

Shortly before deciding to go to Germany I had a mini wake up call. A prelude to all of the realizations I would start to have once I started feeling better. My three year old Kinney, was playing dress up. She was Elsa from Frozen again and started handing out everyone else in the room their roles. Chloe was Anna, Ty was to be Christoph, and Travis was to be Sven the Reindeer. I didn’t get a part. I asked Kinney if I was the mom. She told me in all of her three year old logic that I couldn’t be the mom because Elsa and Anna’s mom wasn’t sick. So there you go. Lyme is such a bastard that it made more sense for her dad to be a reindeer than it did for me to be a mom who wasn’t sick. It broke my heart and made me all the more determined to get better. It’s something I will never forget.  

Since I have been feeling better, things in our house have really changed. With each change comes another in my face lesson about how much not only I, but my family as well, missed out on when I was sick. My kids are relearning normal. It is embarrassing to say, but it was weird for them at first to have me cook dinner. Or take them to school in the morning. Or pick them up everyday because there are no more bad days. I took them to the park twice this week and didn’t even sit on the bench. I’m so happy to be able to make up for lost time. 





4 thoughts on “Relearning normal. 

  1. I am so happy for you and your getting back to ‘normal’ I hope to feel that way soon. Was Germany successful for you, I am looking to go a bit later in the year but I have to be seizure free to have a better success rate & I do worry about the unsuccessful rate that I read
    Cheers Jill

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    1. Thank you Jill! For my daughter and I going to Germany was the best decision I have ever made. My daughter was having multiple seizures a day to the point that her school wouldn’t allow her to take the stairs. She has been seizure free since treatment at the klinik.

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  2. I’m so very well aware of my constant shortcomings in my family. We homeschool, I have a home based business and I’ve been sick for so long, I have trouble remembering what “normal” feels like. We’re on the edge of poverty & comfortable, with constant threats to push us toward the former. I feel the tension and my personal lack almost daily. Some of the treatments I have tried have helped. It’s at least slowed the progression. But the good days almost make the bad days worse. It can feel like emotional whiplash…
    It seems like I’m complaining too much here. We have a really good life. My kids are amazing and a huge help. They have learned compassion (which what else can you do when Mom has passed out in the hallway again thanks to Lyme related POTS). We have lots of supportive friends. My husband is practically a saint. We have shelter, food and warmth. Our bills are paid. I’m so thankful. But sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to have full strength again, no pain (I’d settle for less pain), and be more sure of my body not failing while in public places with three kids.
    Lol, I’d probably find something else to worry and complain about! :/

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  3. I love this post, and the part about your little girl, precious, made me smile, but at the same time got me teary. I remember way back when my kids were just kids and I had begun treating one of my symptoms, the change was enormous within a day or two. I remember my husband talking to one of my kids on the phone and he wanted to know what I was doing now. I happened to be cleaning out a spice cabinet, cuz I had alreay cleaned most everything else in the house. My kids had never really seen me like that because I had been so sick since the birth of my second child

    That was a long time ago, and I was still so sick at the time and did get sicker, but it was a glimmer of hope and I have come such a long way since. Thank you for this blog, it really helped my daughter to make the decision, the Klinik is the next step:}

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