Lyme is a terrible disease. It steals energy, health, mental clarity and when those go, so does happiness. It doesn’t just affect those that actually have the disease either. Oh no, lyme infiltrates marriages, friendships and every other relationship you could possibly have. It sucks.
I didn’t realize the extent me having lyme had on my husband and children until I started feeling better. It sounds weird, but in some ways I think lyme also makes you selfish. I was too busy concentrating on functioning on a very basic level to notice all of the slack my husband picked up for me, or what my kids were learning was “normal”. I had guilt, don’t get me wrong. I knew I wasn’t the mom or wife I wanted to be, but for some reason I never thought about them knowing it.
Shortly before deciding to go to Germany I had a mini wake up call. A prelude to all of the realizations I would start to have once I started feeling better. My three year old Kinney, was playing dress up. She was Elsa from Frozen again and started handing out everyone else in the room their roles. Chloe was Anna, Ty was to be Christoph, and Travis was to be Sven the Reindeer. I didn’t get a part. I asked Kinney if I was the mom. She told me in all of her three year old logic that I couldn’t be the mom because Elsa and Anna’s mom wasn’t sick. So there you go. Lyme is such a bastard that it made more sense for her dad to be a reindeer than it did for me to be a mom who wasn’t sick. It broke my heart and made me all the more determined to get better. It’s something I will never forget.
Since I have been feeling better, things in our house have really changed. With each change comes another in my face lesson about how much not only I, but my family as well, missed out on when I was sick. My kids are relearning normal. It is embarrassing to say, but it was weird for them at first to have me cook dinner. Or take them to school in the morning. Or pick them up everyday because there are no more bad days. I took them to the park twice this week and didn’t even sit on the bench. I’m so happy to be able to make up for lost time.